Mid-Morning Tea & Conversation
by Murazor
Summary: In which the King of the World visits Goku's house, has tea with Chi-Chi and explains how it feels to be the most powerful man in the world after discovering that you actually aren't.
1. Chapter 1

_Mid Morning Tea & Conversation, formerly known as Tea With Furry, was born in concept a few months back, when I asked myself a question: What do the normal people in Dragonball feel about the whole conga line of disasters that plague them in the years covered by Dragon Ball and Dragon Ball Z?_

_The thought would not leave me alone and thus was born the concept for this extremely short multi-parter (which will probably be collected in a single one-shot when done, seeing that it won't be more than a few thousand words long if I stay true to form). __Also, thanks to Barret, who helped refine the original idea. _

_Moreover, I am not Akira Toriyama and don't own Dragon Ball. Please support the official release, as the folks of Dragon Ball Abridged put it. _

* * *

Murazor Presents

**MID MORNING TEA & CONVERSATION**

_A Dragon Ball Z fanfic_

**Part 1.**

In a small house, far removed from civilization, someone knocked at the door.

The lady of the house had been sweeping the floors and opened the door with a frown in her face and a broom in her hand, firmly determined to welcome her husband with a piece of her mind (and a couple hard whacks with the broom). The insensitive jerk had promised that he wouldn't come late from playing with his friends. And heaven help her if he had forgotten lunch again...

The man who had knocked wasn't her husband, though. And after blinking in confusion for a couple of seconds, the broom slipped from her suddenly nerveless fingers as recognition set in.

Unlikely as it seemed, there was no mistaking those large eyes behind thick glasses, that moustache or, for that matter, all the blue fur. For all that the woman had met some truly remarkable individuals thanks to her husband's adventures, including persons whose rank and power greatly dwarfed the visitor's... Well, she really hadn't been expecting the King of the World to show up on her doorstep this morning. She opened her mouth, closed it and then opened it again, determined to mumble some kind of greeting, despite her unresponsive throat.

King Furry, though looking uncomfortable and ill-at-ease himself, seemed a bit more composed and decided to break the silence himself.

"A fine morning to you, Miss Son. May I pass?"

Those ten softly spoken words were enough to kick ChiChi half-way out of her state of stupefied surprise and leave her feeling strangely grateful for this rare chance to be a proper hostess for someone, besides the louts and madmen that her family usually associated with. Silently, she bowed -half in greeting, half in apology- and stepped aside, inviting the dogman to enter.

"Y-your M-majesty. What can I do for...?"

She stopped with an eep!, when the monarch whirled suddenly and regarded her with intensity.

"None of that, Miss Son. As you probably know, my name is Koku Furry. You may call me Koku, like all my friends do, or mister Koku, if you are more..."

"Chi-Chi."

"Huh?"

"That's my given name, sir. If you insist on informality, it will go both ways."

* * *

_Will. You. Calm. Down? You are a princess._ (**Dad was just a jumped up adventurer who married into a meaningless title!**). _You are the best friend of the smartest and richest woman in the world._ (**Why does Bulma have all the luck!?**). _You have met Kami-sama._ (**And? Dende is just a nice alien kid with magic powers!**)._ You have had princes and GODS for dinner._ (**Psychos and good-for-nothings the lot of them!**). _The King of the World isn't really that big a deal anymore._ (**Says you!**).

While the reasoning parts of her mind discussed matters with her still freaked out subconscious, an outwardly serene Chi-Chi removed the kettle from the fire and took it to the table, where she had already arranged the tea set and sat in front of her guest, who was still regarding the different utensils and delicate porcelain containers with a bit of trepidation. When she started pouring hot water into the teapot, he finally spoke.

"I must admit that I am more of a coffee person, ma'am, and it has been years since I last had to attend one of these easterner tea ceremonies. Apologies if I don't do everything correctly. I really don't mean to offend."

"Ma'am, Your Grace?"

"Sorry, Chi-Chi," said the king, before laughing a wry chuckle and continuing. "Guess those protocol lessons finally sank in. In any case, no offense is intended if I mess up."

"None will be taken. And, truth be told, just that apology already gives you a huge head start over anybody else in this house."

"You don't say."

"Yes. I was too much of a tomboy to bother learning the traditional ceremony when I was younger, Goku wouldn't recognize table manners if they punched him in the face and the boys... well, they have never had a chance to practice etiquette. I am told that I make good tea, though, so I hope you'll enjoy it."

The dogman answered with a non-committal grin, but observed with some interest her adding the tea leafs and closing the pot.

Chi-Chi herself sat down and let the seconds slip away in comfortable silence, until an idea spawned by her subconscious rooted itself in the back of her mind and grew, becoming a question that she finally asked after serving the tea and offering Koku a cup.

"Is it really okay for you to be here? I mean... you are the King. Don't you have things to do? Places to be?"

Furry waved his hand to dismiss her concerns.

"I am touring the eastern sectors in a display of goodwill and all that. There was nothing important in today's agenda, so I just told my doctor to tell the press that I was unwell and clear my schedule for the day. As long as I am back in town in time for dinner with the World Champ, there is nothing to worry about. And since I've been meaning to come here and talk with your husband for a while now..."

"Why?"

"A number of reasons. Mostly, because Buu killed me and I'm alive again. Because I know that one of the voices that spoke in my head asking for energy to destroy the monster was the voice of the boy who saved the world from the Arch-demon. Because now I know that that boy and your husband are one and the same. Finally, because it was high time for me to come here, face my fears and stop being an ungrateful son of a bitch."

He took a sip from his tea and arched one of his eyebrows.

"You are right, Chi-Chi. This is very good tea."

END PART 1.


	2. Chapter 2

**Part 2.**

There was a blur of motion. A brief glimpse of something moving through the air at great speed. And then unexpected pain when something hit the back of his throat.

Koku's first reaction was panic. Though his conscious mind hadn't caught up yet, he instinctively understood that he was being attacked and the memory of a thousand security drills performed under the watchful eye of stern trainers seized control of his actions.

The king threw himself from his chair, pushing the panic button hidden in his left cufflink in the way to the floor, then rolled under the table. He was starting to consider whether staying put and waiting for the security detail was riskier than just crawling towards the door on his own, when he suddenly realized that the thing that had entered his open mouth was still there.

He also became aware of its foul taste, which immediately left him crippled by nausea and involuntary retching.

And before he could even think of dislodging it, a vice-like grip closed around his ankle. He was pulled from beneath the table and then lifted, by the ankle. He was left with his head dangling about a feet above the floor and then a surprisingly strong hand slapped him between the shoulders, which caused the thing in his mouth to be thrown out. It sailed through the air and landed a few meters away from him.

It was a soap bar.

Then, the hand that had been holding him dropped him to the floor and the planetary monarch landed in a very undignified heap, wracked by coughs caused by the residual taste of soap. After a few moments, the coughing subsided and he looked up.

The woman was in front of him. With a frown in her face. Tapping the floor with one foot.

"Why did you do that?"

The question sent him into a towering rage. He jumped to his feet faster than he would have thought possible and immediately started shouting in her face. A small voice in the back of his head insisted that this might not be the very best possible course of action to take, but he was well past caring.

"Why did YOU do THAT?! You have assaulted me, manhandled me! Those are crimes! Serious crimes! I thought you were trying to kill me. I can have you thrown in jail for the rest of your life! Are you CRAZY?!"

His fury apparently left the woman taken aback at first and she actually took a step back, but she visibly gathered herself and her face returned to a frown.

"I don't care! I don't care if you are the King of the World! I don't care if you can have me thrown in jail! I don't even care that you are a guest! I will not have profanity in my house, mister!"

The non sequitur threw him for a loop.

"Profanity?"

"That horrible thing you said about not being the son of a prostitute!"

He stared, uncomprehending, for a number of seconds. Then something clicked in his brain and he realized what he meant.

Fury left his brain as suddenly as fear had before and incredulous mirth replaced it. He started laughing, full belly laughter of a kind he hadn't experienced in years. He actually had to use the table for support. It was perhaps a full minute before he got himself under control and was able to resume the conversation.

"You really ARE crazy, Chi-Chi..."

"Hey!"

"...but for whatever this is worth... I apologize for using such foul, uncouth language in your home. I also apologize for the door that my bodyguards are going to tear down any second now."

"...What?"

* * *

A couple minutes later, the door of the house had yet to be torn down by the king's men, and King Furry was starting to get upset again, though with a different target this time.

"I didn't come from Satan City on my own, of course. I came with a few bodyguards who have been waiting for me in the aircar. And since I kind of thought that you were trying to murder me I activated a device I carry to let them know where I am and if I am in danger. So they should be showing up soon. They should already be here, as a matter of fact."

_This could be bad. _(**I am going to jail, bwaaaah!**). _Terribly bad._ (**It's all your fault, you crazy bitch!**). _No profanity!._ (***gurgle* *gurgle* ...Where did you get the soap?**). _This is my head. I just imagined it. Now shut up and let me think._ (**Fine, you hag!**).

"Where did you leave that aircar?"

The dogman regarded her with curiosity, but answered.

"Not too far away, at the bottom of a ravine that is a ten-minutes-walk from here."

_Isn't that..._ (**Yes, yes it is.**)

"These bodyguards. Are they martial artists?"

"...Yes. As a matter of fact, one of them made it to the quarter-finals in the twenty fourth World Tournament, but..:"

"Are they armed?"

"Well, of course they are! They are bodyguards!"

"What weapons?"

The king's face had now shifted from curiosity to open alarm.

"Are you planning to resist? Don't! I will explain that this was an accident. There will be no arrest. I'll even pay for the damages caused! But don't try to resist! You could get hurt and..."

_He is worried about me, even though he thinks I am crazy. He is, genuinely, a good man, isn't he?_ (**Agreed!**). _No time for this, though._

"What weapons do they have? This is important! Deadly important!"

"This was supposed to be a visit, not a war. They will have their sidearms. Perhaps a rifle."

"Lasers?"

"What part of 'not a war' have I left out?"

_Well, this is bad._ (**No kidding!**).

Chi-Chi glanced at the clock in the wall and growled. It really was almost unthinkable bad luck. With a quick step, she headed for the door.

"Wait here! Don't step outside and you should be fine until I come back!"

"Haven't you listened? You do not have to try to escape!"

She looked back over her shoulder, without stopping her stride.

"I am not escaping. I am going to save your men."

END PART 2.


End file.
